I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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