imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
