dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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