My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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