This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
