I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
