she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
