i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
