i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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