ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
