When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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