i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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