You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
