oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
