dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
