I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
