I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
