on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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