hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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