I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
