dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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