Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
wow bdsm is so cute
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
