Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
