can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
