You made me cry and you don't even care
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
