so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
