dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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