I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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