her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
