I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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