The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
