you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
