dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
