Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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