I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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