the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
