Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
