Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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