my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
