There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
