I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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