I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Alive.
So much puke
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
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