New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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