haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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