I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Randomize
