I wish I only lived at night.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
