If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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