Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I wish there were birth control emojis
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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