I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
