If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
