I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
FUCK WHALES
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
