Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
