i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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