he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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