OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
