Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
