White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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